Last night I tried to "mellow" out. Lately, I've been a little high strung, stressed, and, for lack of words, spastic. I've been doing things I don't usually do. Some make me happy.. others make me think How in the world am I functioning?

My 6-year-old daughter burst out into laughter the other night and I had no idea why. When I looked her way she says, "Mom. Did you really just do that?" A little on the agitated side, I told her, "What Sweetie. WHAT did I just do?" Her sweet brown eyes turned to puzzled as she said, "Mom, you just put my hairbrush and the detangler spray in the fridge."

Mom. Fail.


I just finished brushing her hair before bed and had no idea that I walked to the kitchen and simply put her hair accessories into my fridge, right next to the apple juice. What has consumed my mind so wildly that every day living, every day functioning, is completely absent?

That night I listened to my favorite tunes. I picked out a mushy movie. I did some personal journal writing. I organized my desk. I put lotion on my legs. I painted my toe nails. I drank a glass of wine. I laughed with a friend over the phone. I danced in the kitchen... all by myself.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I've completely lost my ever livin' momma mind, but when I do things I love, it calms me. Before I go on, I need to reiterate that I love my sweet family. My children are why I breathe. My husband, bless his heart, puts up with a whole lotta me. ... Ever since I married and started a family, my "me" has gone out the window. I don't put myself first anymore, as most Moms don't, but it's deeper than that. I threw my whole personality out the window. The things I love to do were banished. The things I love to hear are silent. The things I love to see are invisible.

I don't want to scare you off by getting so deep, but I'm afraid I've lost myself in this whole Mom Transition. Inside of me there's a girl who's Spiritual, yet wild. A woman who loves to laugh and be downright silly. Someone who loves Julia Roberts movies, musicals, LIVE performances, concerts, museums, coffee shops, picnics, and the occasional sporadic road trip. There's a girl who wants to whine when I feel sick, cry when I'm happy, and steal the remote from you just for silly flirtation (Yeah, I could care less what TV show is on these days). There's the romantic side of me, okay, okay.... the REALLY romantic side of me where I want the man of my dreams to play the guitar and sing to me, eye contact and all. Where he runs to me with open arms because the last hug he got from me was too long ago. Where he watches me sleep, brushes my hair back, and whispers he can't live without me.

I know what you're thinking. She's MARRIED, isn't she?! Yes. Yes, I am, however, marriage and life moves at such a rapid speed that by the time you look back, years have passed by since the last time you simply talked, in the dark, for hours, till the sun came up.

So, I'm on a mission to find those things I once loved. The giddyness of that perfect pair of jeans, the drive to College Station just to get a burrito, straightening my hair just because, the rush of listening to music with him right next to me, feeling his breath on my skin.

As a Mom, I often forget about myself, but the thrill is finding it all over again and discovering new loves for your life.