Wanna Look Into My Home?
It's a simple question.
Do you want to look into my home? What do you think you'll see? Kids laughing? Me reading or cooking? Family Dinner time?
The reality of it all is I would be embarrassed if you had a front row seat in front of the window of my house. No, not because I steal the covers from Brian at night or that I shake my bootie in front of the TV to get a reaction out of the kids. No.
It's a simple answer.
I yell.
My husband doesn't travel much anymore. In fact, that's the reason we moved back to Memphis was so he wouldn't travel, but somehow he was coerced to go on a trip for a few days. I'm cool. I'm calm. I'm used to it.
For the last 2 years I've grown accustomed to his travel. For WEEKS at a time I would play both the Mom and Dad role until he arrived back home. From 5:30 am, when I had to wake to get Zach off to school on time, to 10:00pm when I finally finished cleaning the wreckage the kids left behind from the day, I worked hard to keep a structure to our routine.
So, this business trip was supposed to be easy. I did it so long, I thought FOR SURE I could do this with one hand tied behind my back. I was wrong.
He left Sunday night and it's been just plain rough! Rudy can't go a day with out his Daddy and has taken it out on me. From oatmeal to shampoo he has trashed the house. My sweet baby has scratched, hit, pinched, and pushed me for 24 hours straight and every angle of discipline seems to fail. I was at the end of my rope when it finally snapped:
"RUDY! What is wrong with you?! You won't let me help you, son!!!! You won't let me bath you, feed you, dress you, kiss you, or hold you. I can't do ANYTHING to make you happy!" Then the waterfall of tears come down and I slam the door.
Yup, I'm balling in my hands and in that instant, I knew I had messed up. Zach and Abby are watching me, confused, scared, and worried. It wasn't my best moment, I might add, but they take care of me. They both teamed up to clear off the table and even wiped it with a wet wash cloth. They took it upon themselves to clean up the living room and get their pj's on before I even thought to ask. They tried to make it easy on me as I sat crying outside the closed door of Rudy's room... him on one side crying, me on the other.
My home environment hasn't been peaceful, nor has it been full of grace the last few days. We haven't had a sense of purpose or direction and kind of just feel lost as the day goes by. Please tell me Resistance wasn't the Word of the Day on Sesame Street, because if it was I will officially ban T.V.
If you happen to look through my window tomorrow... I am bound and determined that my toddler will NOT be running all over me. A smile will be on my face and there will be a joyful sense in the air.....................................God Willing. ((Pray for me))
Awww I am praying for you!
I can identify with you! Being a mom isn't always fun or easy. It is okay as far as I am concerned. Also, very normal. God bless.....Cindi
jchoppes[at]hotmail[dot]com
I will pray for you. I had a husband who worked long hours then went out with the guys after work. I had three little sons. We almost divorced. If you have the money get a baby sitter so you can go out and take some time for you. You will be able to cope better when you get home.rosans4@comcast.net
((Sara))
I'll be praying you have a better day tomorrow!
Ya know, you're not the only one who has "lost" it before. I've done that w/ my kids, and just like yours, they'll start getting things organized, cleaned, etc. What a blessing to have sensitive kids like that!!
We all have those days. You were just brave enough to write about it. I hope today is a much better day :)
i completely understand...my kids haven't seen their daddy since Sunday. he comes home for night...but seriously, just to sleep...i have been seeing another side of me too...and I don't like what i see or how my kids are perceiving me. I will pray for you today...when does hubby get home? i am sending you hugs this morning...remember 'each day is a new slate with no mistakes in it yet'(l.m.montgomery). God will supply the strength you need today! love and prayers,andrea
thanks for sharing and you are not alone ! we all go trough the same thing one in a while!
don't forget to look to Jesus!
Ps their is a great book that change my life you might want to read it too
"Passionate housewife desperate for God"
I have a post on my blog about it under the category spirituality!
I wish I could take him for an afternoon to give you a break. I'll give you Cole and I'll take Rudy!Hang in there. You can do it. You're stronger and tougher than you give yourself credit for.
Those business trips are a killer! It's so nice when they walk in from work and there's back up for mom. I hope it's not a long one and that things will be better today. What sweet little kids to help their mom out when she needed it. You're such a good mom. We all have those moments. Today's a new day.
Hun, we all have those breakdown days...it's okay to cry for a bit...sometimes it even helps. Hugs.
Me again. I know as if you don't have enough to write about...I tagged you for a meme! Love ya hun!
What a beautiful honest post! Bless your heart. May God give you a wonderful nights rest and may you feel refreshed and ready to seize the day for HIM tomorrow!
Thinking of you and hoping for better days.
Poor you.... we all have these days.... some people don't even know that all their days are these days I think it is amazing that you see it.... it will get better!
Sara,
I hope tomorrow is a little smoother for you and that this post helped get some of the frustrations out. That is a beautiful picture. Did you take it?
My heart aches for you. I know it doesn't help the situation but maybe it will make it seem a little better just to know that you are not alone. There are others out there going through this exact same thing with their toddlers (and maybe even worse). Stay strong and keep praying.
I too will pray that things get better.